Why / how to avoid beating or yelling at kids ? / Is fear-driven discipline good or bad ?

“Beating your kid” appears to be a better solution ? A quick and easy solution, indeed!! Beating/hitting a kid works like magic that stops the irritating behavior at once and seems to impart discipline immediately. But, is that fear-driven discipline long-lived ?

Every parent wants to grow well-disciplined children. When that expectations fail, parents become stressed-out. They show the disappointment by beating the kid. Some parents tend to control physical punishments, but bust out their anger by yelling/screaming/shouting at their kids. These ways might act as temporary stress-busters to parents, but it might invite depression/fear in kids.

Some researches have proved that kids who were physically punished or verbally accused become an adult with less self-confidence. So, our ultimate aim of bringing up a super-hero gets messed up. We end up bringing up an emotionally-imbalanced person !!

Many of my friends & relatives have argued with me that, over-pampered child will be spoiled much and so they are strict with their kids. I do not recommend over-pampering. But, at the same time, I do not encourage beating/shouting as well. You can be strict, but in a firm tone that is not harsh or aggressive. You just tell them that you are sad about the behavior but not mad about the kid. Do not corner them to correct their mistake. Work with them to find a solution.

Physical punishments have become illegal in many countries. Do you really need a law to save your child from YOU ? They are too young to bear your aggressive thud or thump !! Please do not hit the tiny tots who are physically weaker than you.

Do remember that beating/yelling  doesn’t have any positive impact. It will just worsen the situation. In the long run, they might get used to it and will be trained to bear it. Or else, they will start hiding/lying to avoid your punishments. Is that all you wanted ?

Next time, when you are angry, do not act at that moment. Just be sure that you don’t want to abuse your kid, as it  leaves behind, life-long impressions. We have to act quickly only when they tend to play dangerously or hit others, which require immediate intervention. All other issues can be handled with much more patience.

For kids younger than 5 years, if they don’t listen after several instructions, just distract them as these tiny buds get distracted easily, if offered a better replacement. At the same time, keep insisting them on what is right? and what is wrong?. They will pick up soon and surprise you, I bet.

For older kids, enter into healthy discussions explaining the consequences rather than just pointing their mistakes. They are not robots to blindly obey our commands. Never, order like a boss to a kid. At the same time, never lose your self-esteem. Please bear in mind that children too have self-respect & shattering that will result in lack of self-confidence and inner joy.

Accept the fact that they are still kids and they will explore new things daily. Saying “NO” to everything will be boring to them. I know we wish to keep our home neat and tidy. But, we can’t limit our kids until at least 5 years, from making mess while playing. We shall practice them to put back toys after playing. Still, we can’t expect 100% cleanliness. They need some time for water splashing, dough-playing, book-building, pillow-piling, paper-cutting & many more adventures that might make the place messy. That’s ok , let them play while they play. Once done, help them(involve them too) in cleaning the mess.

We have unconditional love towards our kids. Let us not show our angry face to them and ruin our relationship. Kind words would help them, come on track. Set family rules and follow them. Be a role-model  to your kid. Getting up late and yelling at children to get ready quickly to school is not acceptable. If they are not getting up, then they might have gone to bed late, so correct that first. Plan your schedule to avoid rush moments that pull harsh words. Let us lead a disciplined life and pave the path for our kids to follow.

On this Valentine’s day, pledge yourself – “I won’t beat or yell at my kid“.. Not even a single time from now. Completely abandon beating/yelling. Nothing is a big deal compared to your child’s inner feelings. If you say no to beating/yelling, you will have lot of better choices to handle the situation. A friendly parent is a lifetime gift to a child. Let them live without fear and stress. Let them grow out to be an emotionally-balanced and confident adult !! Let the tiny butterflies happily flap their wings !! Together, let us enjoy their childhood – Happy parenting 🙂

Click here to read my other Parenting articles…